Two more weeks and Elaina will be one. I rejoice with her as its obvious her newfound skills and increasing independence yields her a great deal of joy, but admittedly I mourn this milestone just a little. I mainly mourn the fact that with every passing day she’s less dependent on me (selfish I know). I am getting ready to wrap up nursing, and while it’s been a huge commitment, especially all the pumping at work, those moments will forever be special to me.
This time last year I was gigantic. Who isn’t in those last few weeks, but I felt especially large given my stage two edema, which made my legs and ankles bloat to unreasonable proportions. I have one very damning picture, that someday, when I am brave enough, I may just post for all to see. In it, I had just taken off very loose anklet socks and still my calf is bulging out over the indentation. An ankle muffin top if you will.
I remember Scott graciously trying to offer consolation as I would get ready in the morning, telling me I didn’t look too bad and my legs weren’t too big (this is while he’s trying in vain to yank compression stockings over my engorged limbs). Basically the only way to sooth my utter repugnance over my own reflection was by telling me that it would all be worth it when baby arrived, and sure enough, it’s all been worth it.
Elaina at one year is no less astounding to me as she was in those first moments when I saw her rearing up on all fours on the delivery room table. Perhaps it’s her slightly downturned mouth, which mirrors Scott’s precisely, or the broad span of her cheekbone that identifies her as mine, but there are moments of recognition that still leave me reeling thinking, “wow, this is MY daughter.”
If I were to describe Elaina presently, I would say she is lively, curious, and physical. VERY physical. So much so that I am convinced if I were to put a boulder in her path, she would certainly find a way to maneuver it. On the same token, she’s definitely feminine, favoring her dolls above all other toys and fascinated with my makeup (especially lipstick and lip balm!)
Among some of her funnier obsessions would be my portable, hand-crank breast pump. I have it stowed away in a cabinet and every day she retrieves it for play. She’ll peer through it as if it’s a telescope and wildly pump the hand crank. Someday I will remember to tease her about this.
As we entered 2012, I read that people were pushing to dash the word “amazing” from everyday vocabulary due to over use. While I agree it’s used too frequently, there’s really no better way to describe my first year of parenthood. Yes, it’s been exhausting, trying, overwhelming, and hard, but it’s also been the single most rewarding experience of my life. In other words, all together amazing.
